The Devils within us
by Nelson-Murdock
Summary: Karen has an unknown sharpness to her, something's happened. Can Matt convince her to tell him her secret.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I just loved this series so much I had to write something for it. Second chapter in the works, this may turn into a proper story. :)_

Matt Murdock sat on the leather couch his breath condensating in brisk air, his heater is out, again. He's looking at Karen siting on the lounge across from him, well not looking as per the condition of his blindness but with his dark reflective glasses on, it gave Karen the illusion that he was peering at her. Trying to find out her new sharpness of character. Something had happened, something was new about her, Matt knew, he could feel it on her, taste it in her scent, hear it in her heart as the beats quickened with her oncoming anxiety.

Karen on the other hand was nervously looking for an escape from Matt's spacious apartment, the only ones she had come up with so far had been the window and the door, both too far away and she knew that even though Matt was blind he was capable of stopping her, either in a physical manner or with his seemingly honeyed words.

"So, generally Karen I wouldn't be so confrontational, a logical argument is always the best argument but in this case I honestly only have one question." Matt pauses, he repositioning his glasses that had fallen down the bridge of his nose wincing as the cold metal crosses a small nick made by a knife that had barely missed his face. Matt leans forward in concentration. "All I have to ask you is: what the fuck Karen? What's wrong with you? You have both me and Foggy worried sick".

Karen is shocked, a deer in headlights, a butterfly caught in a net by his harsh words, she drops her head. A single tear rolls down her cheek and Matt knows, he can taste it in the air, the distinct saltiness that permeates the space between them. He frowns, although he did wish to shock her to try and get answers, it was never his intention to make her so upset that she cried. He folded his hands over hers, reaching for her in a more intimate way than he normally would with a woman. Karen looks up at Matt, touched by his concern but knowing that there was no way in which she could tell him the ugly truth, the truth of her past and her present. There was no way she could escape the truth but she could protect Matt and Foggy, the lights in her darkness.

"Please Karen, there has to be something wrong, all I want is to help you, I promised I would protect you, it still applies," he's pleading now wishing for her to give him the answers he desires. Karen draws in a sharp breath, as if she is going to say something but she just shoots him a watery smile and a shrug.

Silence.

"I-I I just shrugged," Karen whispers, she feels pathetic. Matt sighs.

"Okay Karen," he heaves himself off his place on the seat with a hiss and grabs his side, his face contorting in agony.

"…Matt?" Karen reaches out for him a look of concern flickers across her face.

"I-I'm okay," he wheezes out dropping beside her like a stone on the couch. He turns towards her, "look Karen, I know we all have secrets, but I know whatever this-" he gestures at her, "is, it's eating you up on the inside, I can tell." Matt tapes his nose and gives a small smile.

"We all have secrets do we Matt? Why don't you tell me yours! Huh?" Matt looks shocked, stunned he remains silent as Karen shouts, "You're always coming to the office with bruises and cuts all over your face! What you fell? A car crash? Someone's hurting you Matt or is it shite Catholic guilt?!"

Matt's face crumples, he knows she has him, of course she had suspicions that something was going on but he isn't ready, not yet.

"This isn't about me," he says half-heartedly although he knows it is partially his fault, he wasn't there for her, he was out punching some man in the gut as she obviously fell apart.

Karen looks at him, looking at the passive way in which he sat next to her, guilt obvious on his young face, he blamed himself. Karen starts to cry in earnest, not tears but ugly sobbing, the kind that comes up from the toes and rips out her heart on its way to her eyes, her body shivers as the violent emotions run through her , "I-I'm so…so sorry Matt!" she wails, "I just…I…I just can't do it," Matt grabs her flailing hands, putting them in his once more, he hears her heart race.

"How about we make a deal?" he says suddenly, he can't see any other way out of this, the best of friendships are made of trust and honesty and neither of them are ready for the consequences but…he can't see any other way, "you tell me yours and I'll show you mine."

Karen looks up from their entwined hands with wet eyes, "show me?" Matt feels the question in her voice.

"Yeah, then we can be totally honest with each other," he looks down the usually confident man, nervous with the prospect of telling one of his best friends as well as what he could learn, "but you're going to have to go first, mine will take so prep."

"Prep?" Karen lets out a watery sob coupled with a giggle. Matt smiles, she hasn't laughed in days.

"Come on Karen," he nudges her with his shoulder coaxing her to tell him what had been eating her alive, "please," he squeezes her hand, letting her know through their physical connection that he cared for her and that there was no way that he would leave her no matter what she told him. Karen looks at Matt he seems genuine in his care, it's been too long since she's seen that look on someone's face. She feels her lips unsealing begging her to unload this deadly weight from her shoulders, her heart pikes and her head becomes light. This is the moment, the moment where she will have to tell someone, she wished it wasn't Matt gorgeous, Catholic, man of the law Matt.

"Matt I…I-" she holds in the sobs that are trying to escape from her insides, threatening to pull her apart, "Matt," she whispers, her voice hoarse she pulls her legs up to her chest, "please," she desperately wants to tell him and she desperately wants to know what's happening with Matt.

Matt hears the panic in her voices and he feels the change in pressure of the couch cushions as she draws into herself. Her body heat comes closer and he leans into her, gathering her up into a hug letting her saturate his shoulder with her weeping. His eyes become wet, "Karen, if it's too much to ask you don't have to tell me, but I want you to know that I will never ever judge you. I love you Karen," a sharp intake of Karen's breath, Matt noticed, "and so does Foggy. We want you to just feel better." He chokes this out, he so badly wishes Karen understood what he wanted for her, he was willing to tell her his biggest secret. His guilt ran through in waves for his decisions but he needed to be Daredevil; the city needed him but he needed the city just as much, he may now need Karen even more. This thought scared him. He needs Karen but he can't give up Daredevil.

"Matt," Karen's voice shocks him out of his revere, he jumps in his seat, surprised to hear her voice, "I-I'll tell you," Matt's heart rate increases, he can feel it beating in his chest begging for an escape. Karen steels herself for the eminent rejection that Matt will surely throw at her as he kicks her out of his apartment for what she has done or worst send her to the corrupt police department, surely signing the letter of her execution, "I…Matt I…I killed someone Matt. I killed Wesley! Matt I killed Wesley!" she works her into a frenzy the violent jerks of a body being shot drifts into her mind's eye as Matt holds her, trying to shush her as best he can, providing comfort, "I looked him in the eye and killed him and the worst part is…I'm not sorry and that makes me a monster!" She pulls at her hair and cries into Matt's shoulder trying to remember the feeling of his touch before it's taken away. She feels him pull away, holding her by the arms.

"Listen to me Karen," shaking her slightly, "James Wesley was a horrendous, hatful man, and I know for sure that you wouldn't have done it if you didn't need to," he speaks with urgency of a man possessed as Karen sniffs and wipes away a few tears. She looks up shocked sure that he would have hated. Matt can hear the alterations in her heartbeat, sound waves and heat waves pouring off her in her distress, he pulls her close to him once more and they sit there crying as they rock together in sadness, lose and comfort, "I think no less of you Karen, what you did was incredibly brave," he pulls his head away stroking her hair and placing a kiss upon her head.

Karen sniffs again wiping her nose and eyes, trying to compose herself, "thank you Matt, but I-I don't think I could ever forgive myself, I ended a life, he would have had a mother and maybe friends, all of those experiences over in an instant of blind terror," she sobs again, putting her face in her hands.

"I believe Karen, that you are so strong and you will work past this with time. You did what you had to, you didn't do it out of malice or hatred, you did it so you could live. I couldn't have lived with myself if Wesley had lived and you had died. No way in the world, because you _mean_ the _world_ to me, you mean to world to everyone who knows you because you are one of the best and kindest people I know. No one can meet you and not love you, no one can meet you and not smile, no one can meet you and feel alone in this world. So there is no way that you should," Matt finishes his tirade that has just spilled from him mouth with conviction and another kiss upon her head. She starts to weeps but Matt senses that these tears are of relief he thinks that she must have thought he was going to hate her, which he never could but he knows that as soon as his secret is revealed, she will be the one who hate _him._

"Thank you Matt," Karen whispers but to Matt this thanks was like a shout into the heavens and fog horn into his heart.

"Not a problem Karen, I'd do anything for a friend," except for one thing, but is Karen really a friend to Matt anymore? He cocks his head in thought about a possible change in the complex but oh so simple relationship dynamics of present.

"Anything Matt?" she's enquiring now, although she is hurting and Matt is hurting there is an obvious shift in the conversation towards what Matt has been hiding from Karen, since he'd laid eyes on her, "then tell me what's happening to you, show me…please," Karen is on the verge of another emotional breakdown tears brimming in her eyes. Matt feels the temperature in the room freefall, whilst sure it is his mind playing tricks on him in his dread of the truth that is surely to come out of the depths of hell. His face turns towards the heavens asking for help.

He turns towards Karen sharply feeling her breath on his face coming out in short puffs tasting like anxiety and curiosity in a sensory mixer.

"Do you know how I lost my sight?" he's firm, he wants her to understand.

"You were in a car crash, I remember you told me at the office," she's unsure her answer is slow and her voice wavers.

"That's not quite true, it was a crash but I wasn't in the car I was on the street, a truck was barrelling towards this old man, and I-I," Matt is being taken back to that painful time in his life, his emotions boil below the surface and he hides a sob with a cough, "I pushed him out of the way but before…before the truck could hit me i-it rolled and the acid that it was holding splashed on me and straight into my eyes. It burned, at that point in my life I knew that the fire of hell were real because I felt them, right on that day. God was punishing me, or giving me something but I used to wish that the truck had just killed me. Sometimes I still wish that I had died that day." He sniffs putting his chin on the top of Karen's head he can fell the small tremors that are running through her and he knows that she's crying softly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks him with a quiet mourning in her voice, "it's not a shameful thing you saved someone." She reaches up to his temple and touching the blooming bruise on Matt's temple, he flinches in pain.

"And that's what I want you to remember when I show you what I'm about to do," he disentangles himself from her grasp and puts her hands over her eyes, "I want you to close your eyes because this is where the prep comes in," she hears him walk away with a limp in his step from the injury in his side and open a cupboard, a shifting of fabric can be heard. Her anxiety builds and she feels like she should let a string of swears escape from her mouth for no reason. Matt hears this internal battle from across the room through her heart beating much like the wings of a hummingbird.

"I want you to know Karen, before I show you what I about to show you that I never did this to hurt you, I do this because I feel that I must it is my duty," he's begging her to understand.

"It can't be that terrible Matt," it obviously can't, what can a harmless, blind lawyer do other than defend the innocent through law?

"I wish it wasn't that bad, I hope you don't hate me after this," his voice cracks as salty tears spill over dripping into the cut on Matt's lips, stinging the already sensitive skin.

Karen feels soft hands coaxing hers away from her eyes, very gently, very slowly as if she was made of the finest glass. Matt believes that their relationship was just about to get shattered much like glass of Karen's imagination. Her hands come away and she opens her eyes slowly, a dark figure is standing in front of her, her breath hitches and her body stiffens.

"Daredevil."


	2. Chapter 2

**Previously**

 _Karen feels soft hands coaxing hers away from her eyes, very gently, very slowly as if she was made of the finest glass. Matt believes that their relationship was just about to get shattered much like glass of Karen's imagination. Her hands come away and she opens her eyes slowly, a dark figure is standing in front of her, her breath hitches and her body stiffens._

 _"Daredevil."_

Karen is still sitting on the couch, her breathing is heavy, laboured and to Matt this means panic. He takes a step back, tears threatening to break out of their prison within his useless eyes.

"K-Karen?" he asks her holding out his hands trying to bring himself closer to her, trying to close the gap that he has just created. His breath hitches, he chokes, his breathing coming out in short gasps, terror taking over. Karen's eyes go sharp she lifts her hand and Matt feels the change in air currents, he doesn't move as her hand descends onto his check with a crack. He feels the floor come up to meet him, his knees cry in pain as he jars his body on the cold concrete, his head falls.

"What the actual fuck Matt?" she sounds sharp, a knife cutting through the tense atmosphere in the apartment, "When did this-" she wildly gestures at his prone figure, "even happen? I mean I thought I was screwed up but this-this is madness Matt, you're going to get yourself killed!" she's yelling a wall of noise to Matt, nothing else in the world was affecting him right now, nothing else mattered, her rejection and his failing was all that mattered.

"I'm so sorry Karen," and he means it, it's there in his voice below the harshness and the hurt, it's there.

"Sorry doesn't cut it Murdock," she stands pacing, her anger coming of her in waves of heat, with every pulse Matt shivers knowing that he has created this, "you let me talk about Daredevil right in front of you, praising him for saving my life. God, what about Foggy, he hated Daredevil. Why would you let us do that Matt? We're your friends aren't we?" her heart breaks with every word as she watches Matt draw further and further in on himself, his guilt overwhelming him, washing over both of them in the room like an unstoppable rising tide, filling them both up.

Silence, an answer didn't run from his mouth, a breath didn't leave his lips, he just shook, each word hitting him like a punch in the gut. Karen sees this, she bends down to meet him in the floor.

"Read my face Matt," she reaches for his hands placing them on her face, tell me what you can feel.

"Karen I-I," Matt shakes his head, pulling his hands away.

"It wasn't a question Matt it's a demand, do it," she says more softly, "Please."

His hands are again put on Karen's face as her eyes flutter close, relishing in his touch. Matt's breathing evens out with her contact, he focusses all his senses on the woman in front of him, drinking her in, allowing himself this last moment of connection before the inevitability of Daredevil, rejection and loneliness. He runs his hands over her face lightly, feeling the hills of her cheekbones and the valleys of her eye sockets. Her breath ran past his fingers, putting the small hairs on his knuckles on end and sending a shiver down his spine. His heart begins to race beating in time with Karen's. Nervousness overtaking both of them in this intimate moment, Matt tucks a strand of hair behind Karen's ear and slowly pulls his hands away and the scream from the loss of her soft skin against them. Not before he feels the wetness around her eyes and he knows that he's hurt her, a wound that will probably never heal with time and the fire that burns in his mind burns that little bit colder with dread and hatred, he has done this.

Karen stands, "You know I'm going to have to go now, I can't sit here with you, not looking the way you do," her words are cold and strong, her conviction absolute, "I need to think about what you've told me, it's a hard thing to a-accept you know? T-that you're best friends is going to kill themselves…you've signed your own execution papers Matt," her voice wavers, she's about the break, so she leaves, walking quickly to the door, "goodbye Matt," she shuts to door quietly not trying to disturb Matt's already fragile mental state, it does nothing to help.

Matt sits on the floor, he knows he has gotten what deserves, the coldness of the concrete seeps into his bones, turning him ice cold, the burning tears that roll down his cheeks being the only heat emanating from his body. He lets out a sob, allowing it to escape the cage of self-imposed apathy, caring had become one of Matt's greatest strengths but in this moment it was his greatest weakness.

He lies on the floor crying, pouring his heart out for another loss. He said he would never judge her, obviously that wasn't a mutual agreement.

 _At the office, the morning after._

"Hey Karen, have you seen Matt anywhere? Can't be without my favourite avocado," it was eleven in the morning and usually Matt was at the office by now, Foggy's stomach tensed with worry.

" I saw Matt last night…" she contemplates asking Foggy if he knew Matt's secret of course he would, they're best friends.

"Oh really, what were you guys doing?" he seems slightly suspicious, probably because he knows what Matt's been doing at night. Karen convinces herself to tell Foggy, he's one of her best friends and one of Matt's he should know.

"W-we had a falling out," her voices chokes up a bit, still feeling the draining effects of the night before, "he…he told me Foggy," he looks shocked and Karen begins to cry, she curses herself for it, wondering if it was possible to run out of tears because she felt she had met her quota for the rest of the year.

"He told you what exactly Karen? That he had a sense of humour…because we know that's not quite true," he lets out a nervous laugh at his pitiful attempt to cover for Matt.

"No Foggy," she walks forward looking into his face, "Daredevil…it's him Foggy, it's him," she buries her face into his chest, saturating his chest, taking in the comfort that Foggy could bring her. Foggy had no words what could he say to Karen? He was just as upset when he had sound out, so he just stroked Karen's hair and cursed Matt in his head.

How could Matt do this to Karen? There must have been a reason?

"He wasn't hurt was he?" this being the only scenario that Foggy could think of that would force Matt into telling Karen about his darker alter-ego.

"I think he had an old injury on his side but…no not in that way," her whole body shakes, "Foggy is Matt going to avoid me now? Have I screwed everything up by leaving?"

Foggy pulls away from the hug and clutches at her face, looking her in the eye, "Nononono Karen, you haven't done anything, this was Matt's decision not yours," he brushes away the tear falling down her face, trying to be as gentle as possible. He hated to see her so crushed, as if a great weight had been placed upon her shoulders.

"I walked away from him Foggy, he was there, he was so vulnerable, I've never seen him like that before, he just sat there, silent and let me walk away…I-I would have thought he'd fight for me," her voice cracks.

"Oh Karen," Foggy takes her back into his arms, squeezing her tight attempting to squeeze the pain away, Karen appreciated the gesture but the dark crushing weight on her chest would not lift. Not until she could talk to Matt. Foggy just holds her knowing there isn't much he can do. His stomach knots in concern, "how about we go out for a bit? It doesn't look like Matt's coming in today and it's not like we have any clients," he gives her a smalls smile, Karen just hiccups the mention of Matt makes the weigh on her chest become more constricting.

"Okay Foggy, anything to get my mind off…you know," she smiles, it was a pathetic smile but the best she could give him at this time.

"Righto! Off we go!," Foggy grabs Karen and his bag and rushes out of the office, pulling Karen behind him, running down the stairs and onto the crowed street of Hell's Kitchen., his breath ragged but he smiles at Karen taking upon himself the challenge of cheering her up, "So Karebear what ya wanna do?"

" _Karebear_ Foggy really?" Karen smiles, Foggy already having a positive effect on her, washing away her depression.

"Hey…I'm just trying something new, no need to be rude _Karebear,"_ he gives her a cheeky grin, ear to ear.

"Okay whatever Foggy, how about we go get something to eat?" she doesn't feel like eating but she can't think of anything else.

"Yeah, then we can go to Joise's and get DRUNK," he seems excited by this prospect but Karen knew he always was, his love for Josie's would be eternal and Karen loved him for that.

Lunch was a fun affair, Foggy tried his best to keep things light comment on the 14 year olds smoking outside, "Oi nah though they're so cool, look at me I smoke cigges," pulling a funny face and throwing up a peace sign, Karen laughed from her belly but the smile never reached her eyes. Once they had finished their mediocre meal it was around two in the afternoon.

"Okay time to go to Josie's," Foggy states with a smile standing up and putting his suit jacket on.

"Isn't it a bit early to be drinking Foggy?" Karen says with a tiny smile but God knows that she needs a drink to wash away this endless pressure that was pressing down unrelenting on her heart.

"It's never too late for drinking when I'm around Karen," he smiles and with a flourish offers Karen his hand she takes it and they walk out of restaurant hand in hand, Foggy humming as they walked down the bustling street heading toward their favourite place, Josie's.

At the bar Karen and Foggy down shot after shot of their special eel drink becoming more and more inebriated words slurred together, movements because slow Karen thought that she was moving through jelly, Foggy said gelatine.

"Bloody hell Fog-mister we alllllll know that gelatine and jelly are the same….," she struggles to find the right word, "thing! I found it, the word I was looking for!" Foggy and Karen high five, their biggest achievement of the day thus far.

"But _Karebear_ gelatine has **no** flavour…jelly on the other hand is delicious," he smiles triumphant.

"Then argue against this you big hotshot lawyer: jelly and gelatine are the same thing because…" she starts to nod off, her head presses down into the bar, feeling that she may be swallowed up by the polished wood.

"Okay Karen, it might be time to go home," Foggy pats her on the back he starts getting out of his seat.

"Nooooooooooo," Karen moans her head still stuck to the bar, "my house is-is scary Foggy," she lifts her head of the bar and grabs his hand, "let's just go back to the office, I'll make my way to my friend's house from there," Karen had no friends in Hell's Kitchen, Foggy knew this although in his inebriated haze he had forgotten his friend's position much to her relief.

"Okayly dokely," Foggy cracks a big smile, "I'm Ned Flanders," Karen grabs his hand as they both stumble out of the bar holding hands and singing the lyrics to _Don't Stop Believing._

As they walk down the darkened street Karen starts to quickly sober up, remember why she had gone to the bar and what had happened the night before, it hit her like a ton of bricks, _Matt must hate me._ There was no other explanation, her eyes became wet, she didn't let out any tears, no soul wrenching sobs, just vision blurring wetness, her whole face stung holding in the oncoming tide and Foggy never noticed too busy throwing up in a trash can.

Then finally after, a lot of stumbling and falling on Foggy's part they reached the office. Karen turns on Foggy, "Okay, thank you for walking me to the office, it might be time for you to get a cab Foggy you're looking a bit dusty," she smiles a little at her friend's position.

"Are you sure Karen? I mean, I do-don't want you to get hurt," he trips on his own feet but surprisingly collects himself and stands.

"I'm sure Foggy," she throws out her hand signally for a passing cab, she opens the door of the yellow cab and pushes Foggy towards it, "go home Fog, I'll see you tomorrow bright and early for work."

He groans and gets in the cab, "be safe tonight Karen, see you tomorrow at…at work," he sighs and closes the door. The cab speeds of into the night.

Karen watches Foggy go and walks up into the office, the stairs twist underneath snaking it's way to the second floor it makes her feet unsteady, she obviously is not as sober as she thought she was. She finally makes it to the office, she pulls her keys out of her wallet, then she sees it, her key chain, her breath hitches and see runs her fingers over it, one of her most mundane objects is becoming one of her most treasured right in front of her eyes, the keychain had a picture of herself, Matt and Foggy smiling at the camera, big and cheesy. She runs her fingers over the smooth plastic and feelings of home overcome her, her two best friends in the world, her home. She realises how silly she has been, no matter who Matt is and what he does he'll always be there, no matter where they go together or what they do together, he will always be her friend. She lets a few tears fall, she's ruined it all now, leaving him sitting on the floor in his apartment, alone.

She pushes past the sadness that is starting to feel more like a void in such as short space of time, she slips the key into the lock and with a creak and opens the door.

Her breath hitches and the cold air from the office hits her, no one had been in there all day. She sags, no one is there, therefore no one can see her breakdown. She puts her bag on her table and looks down at her keys, inspecting the only picture she has of her and her best friends.

A few tears slip out from behind her lashes, she wonders if her eyes have ever been dry today she starts to cry in earnest when she hears a shuffle come from Matt's office, like someone had knocked over some files.

 _Why would someone break in here? They have nothing, only a shit_ _photocopier_ Karen muses to herself. The shuffling becomes more pronounced, then steps, then a door opening and there he is, Matt Murdock, the man who had been occupying Karen's thoughts all day, the man in the mask.

"Hello Karen," his voice is strong, sadness tinges it but he tries not the let it show, Karen can't know what an affect she had on him.

"Matt I-" she says sadly, looking into the reflective surface of his glasses finding no solace there.

"Save it Karen please, I'll just go," he starts to limp out of the office passing her slowly, wishing that she would grab him and try and convince him otherwise.

She reached out for him and took his hand, rubbing small circles on his knuckles.

"Matt…I forgive you," then she kisses him, not knowing what else to do, it a burning kiss, full of love, hurt and regret. He doesn't respond at first, shocked into stone, but then he deepens the kiss, melting into the connection. He places his hands on the back of her neck, cradling her head, tracing his fingers over her jaw, drinking in the feeling of her soft lips on his. Karen sighs into the kiss as it changes to a slower more passionate kiss, she tries to convey her love to Matt through the movement of her lips, trying to tell him that she accepts him but worries. She's not sure if it's possible but Matt gets the message, but neither of them care, too lost in the embrace of one another. The world on fire for Matt dimmed slightly, Karen too away his pain and for Karen the world caught on fire, passion was consuming her world, she pulled away.

"Wow," they both say and laugh.

"Well I don't think we're friends anymore," Matt says with a small giggle. _A giggle._

"Definitely not," Karen pushes back his hair are repositions his glasses that had become skewed after their kiss.

"Good," Matt says with a smile.


End file.
